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Health & Fitness

Seeking Help For Sexual Assault

Every victim/survivor of sexual assault responds differently. Some common emotions are anger, fear, guilt, loss of control, powerlessness, embarrassment, depression, isolation, denial, shame, disbelief, self-blame, and emotional shock. (http://www.connsacs.org/seeksupport/assaulted.htm) And when victims/survivors do not receive the support they need to heal, these feelings can last a lifetime.

On my radio show this week, I was honored to have as my guest a woman who has devoted her life to helping sexual assault survivors get the help that they need. Laura Cordes is the executive director of the Connecticut Sexual Assault Crisis Services (CONNSACS), the coalition of the state’s nine community based sexual assault crisis services programs and Connecticut’s leading voice to end sexual violence. An advocate and organizer for over twenty years, Laura has worked on numerous women’s health public policy initiatives. She has spearheaded the effort offering emergency contraception for rape victims in all of Connecticut’s hospitals. She’s also helped develop the state’s Sexual Assault Forensic Examiner Program, which allows women immediate access to specialists that can deftly perform the invasive procedures necessary to collect evidence of rape. She is also a statutory member of the State of Connecticut’s Criminal Justice Policy Advisory Commission, the Commission on the Standardization of the Collection of Evidence in Sexual Assault Investigations and the newly created Governor’s Victim’s Rights Enforcement Advisory Commission.

Generally speaking, according to Ms. Cordes, about 20% of the population will experience sexual assault in their lives. The President released a report that found that women and girls are the vast majority of victims, and that about 22 million women have been raped in their lifetime. It also looked at specific populations and found that marginalized communities experience higher rates of sexual violence: people with disabilities, the LGBT community, the homeless, prison inmates, and undocumented immigrants all fall into this category. Here in Connecticut, CONNACS serves over 7,000 people a year—women, boys, and girls—most of whom were assaulted by someone they knew.

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Most of us are aware that the majority of sexual assault victims are women and girls, but I also wanted to share some troubling statistics about boys. 1 in 4 boys that are abused are under the age of 12 at the time of the assault; 1 in 7 are under the age of 6. Thanks to widely reported in the media high-profile scandals such as the Sandusky tragedy, and the ongoing cover-up of the Catholic Church, we are finally beginning to raise awareness about the commonality of very young boys being sexually assaulted. Fortunately there’s a silver lining, here: people are beginning to speak out as they never have before, and our communities are listening. Ms. Cordes noted a rise in rape occurrences according to national statistics indicating that more cases are being reported. This is due to an important change.  In 2012 the Department of Justice announced a major change in how it categorizes rape. Up until then, the definition hadn’t changed since the 1920′s: rape was defined only as vaginal penetration of a woman by a man. Now, the definition includes a wide spectrum of physical violation.

But this isn’t just a legislative battle. It is a cultural one. As Ms. Cordes put it, victims don’t just have to survive the attack; they have to survive the aftermath. An astonishing number are re-victimized and re-traumatized when they disclose their assault to loved ones. This isn’t because these family members are bad people, but because society has taught us to ask questions like: “Well how late were you out?” Or: “Why were you drinking?” Or: “Why do you wear outfits like that? That’s why it happened, you know.”

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Responses like these can be deeply damaging to the survivor; moreover, the assumptions that they reveal are deeply inaccurate. As Ms. Cordes noted, perpetrators of sexual assault are attempting to assert their power and control. They use sex, but it isn’t about sex: it is about shame, humiliation, and control. Remember, the majority of instances are pre-meditated; sex offenders build relationships with their victims with the knowledge that this relationship will make their victim look complicit. And it only takes one poor response to re-traumatize a victim – and that trauma, if it is not addressed, will most likely follow them for decades.

If you are victim of sexual assault and are secretly struggling, please reach out. Even if the assault happened decades ago, you are absolutely entitled to support, and that support is out there! CONNSACS supports victims as they navigate the police station, the hospital, even the courtroom. Call one of the free, confidential hotlines, by dialing this number:

1 888 999 5545

To learn more, or to donate your time or money to this extremely important issue, visit connsacs.org

And to the many of us, who have experienced sexual violence, please remember that you are not alone, and you are not at fault. If you would like help, reach out! Laura Cordes and everyone at CONNSACS are here for you.

“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are.” – Rachel Naomi Remen


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