Westporter Teaches Love to the Masses

Goddesses of love have reigned supreme since humankind began naming deities. Summoned for their powers of attraction, sexuality and fertility the feminine idol is a key player in every culture. The Egyptians sit at the feet of Isis, Aphrodite is worshipped in Greece and when in Rome we all bow before Venus. Now there is another name in the lexicon of love—Westport's very own Dalma Heyn, AKA The Love Goddess.

The best-selling author of The Erotic Silence of the American Wife, Marriage Shock: The Transformation of Women into Wives and most recently Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy, Heyn recently launched a show on public access television titled The Love Goddess.

"I've been writing about love, marriage and relationships throughout my career— first as a magazine writer and editor, later as a columnist and essayist, and as an author of three books," says Heyn, who who received a masters in social work at New York University "not only to learn more, but so I could be of help to the women who'd helped me; women who kept coming back long after I interviewed them for my work."  

And since even goddesses must adapt to the times, shortly after the release of Drama Kings,  the author decided it was time for her to venture to the Web with her own website.

"I began blogging under the name of The Love Goddess in order to add a new dimension to my very earthbound and serious work—some goofiness, really, and some air," says Heyn.

"Because if I'm claiming to give 'the best advice in the universe' then I need some heavenly inspiration and ancient, celestial wisdom, right?  Having a goddess as my alter ego adds some fun to this mere mortal's attempt to offer real inspiration and hope."

And she was right—but then, how could a goddess possibly be wrong? Folks who had shied away from the analyst's couch (as well as those on one) began clicking on the site for both love advice and for Heyn's unexpurgated cultural commentary—which people familiar with her work have come to expect. 

"I've long wanted to have a smart, but not a mean-spirited, show about relationships," she says. "We in Fairfield County are facing incredibly complicated love issues—like entering a blended family where the kids hate you.  Or finding yourself responsible for someone else's aging parents—in addition to your own—and a new baby. Or, dating again at the age of 55 and having to learn about online dating and social media sites while holding down a full-time job."

Inside the 10 towns The Love Goddess air in, guys and gals are dealing with all sorts of thorny issues including dissolving marriages, domestic violence or the sudden loss of finances.

"It's not all unhappy stuff on the show, it's just real," Heyn adds.  "And it helps to share all this."

Gotta Have a Gimmick?

"There's no gimmick to the show," Heyn asserts. "We have only to please our viewers, which is why I ask so often for input. We have the tiniest crew in all of television and no budget whatsoever, so it's a true labor of love. We want viewers to feel they're tuning in on Tuesday nights to a show that helps the community with serious relational issues, and also introduces helpful guests that they may not know about."

The first episode experimented with the use of actors (local talent Nancy Clarke and Margaret Story) portraying two real women who contacted The Love Goddess for guidance. But then the show shifted back to Heyn as the central focus. After all, she is the expert.

"I've written three relationship books, spoken with hundreds and hundreds of people about love," she explains. "I don't have a book idea I feel passionate about at the moment, but do feel passionate about the possibility of relationships being transformative; and about the importance of connection at a time when so many of us feel so isolated. And I know a bit about what intimacy is and isn't, and how it works. So writing the show is great fun for me."

Throughout her career doling out advice to singles, desperate housewives and wannabe spouses, Heyn has accumulated loads of correspondence ranging from those seeking counsel to words of appreciation.

"Some of the letters and calls I get make me weep—not only with gratitude that I've changed lives, but with sorrow that so many are so very sad," she says. "It occurs to me that when I read these letters, I'm brought back to the reason I do all this: I'm committed to moving women and men to a better place."

Sometimes it about navigating singles through the minefield of dating, and sometimes it's just a matter of helping out one person in a couple.

"Just shifting the way they interact slightly," offers the Love Goddess. "One man who couldn't understand why his wife felt 'powerless' in their relationship also didn't understand why she had a problem coming to him to ask for money when she'd been doing so for 20 years. A slight shift in how they handled their finances made all the difference in her sense of power and in her feelings toward him. Sometimes changing the tenor of a relationship is so simple, but we don't tend to know where to begin."

So, what can viewers expect this season on The Love Goddess?

"I will continue asking the questions," Heyn says. "What do men have to do to welcome modern women's insistence that they learn intimacy skills? What do women have to do to counter men's feeling that they're no longer important, or that women are too entitled and think they're perfect? You don't write three books, endless essays and columns and articles and then develop a Website devoted to improving relationships if you don't believe passionately in the possibility of evolution. We've evolved—and these are evolutionary issues."

The Love Goddess airs Tuesday nights at 8 p.m. on Cablevision channel 88.