Finances Are Private ... or Are They, When an Elder is at Risk?

Financial management is often a huge issue for elders, requiring family members to renegotiate their roles. An elderlaw attorney can help you get the conversation going.

In many families, finances are a very private matter. Talking with aging parents about their money is so important, but can be a very delicate matter!

Case in point, my own family:

Our elderly mother was beside herself. Our 85-year-old father was dipping into their retirement funds to buy quantities of junk bonds on margin! Then he was going to Mother requesting cash from their savings accounts to cover his losses. She was in a panic about this surefire formula for financial disaster and literally came crying to me about it.

Two Views, Both Right

I thought it was necessary to get involved in their financial matters before it was too late; before their savings were so depleted by bad investments that they would not have enough to live on until the end of their lives.

My brother, Dick, was reluctant to meddle in our parents’ money matters. He was concerned that our father’s dignity and sense of control would be at risk by having his children interfere in such a personal matter. 

And both points of view were entirely valid. So what to do?

Enter the Elderlaw Attorney

Because of my profession as a Geriatric Care Manager, I knew the value of consulting with an Elderlaw Attorney to do legal and financial planning for older adults. I was able to convince my parents and my brother that such a consultation would be helpful in this situation. And they agreed.

What followed was a slow and complex process that took several months, during which time my parents and I met weekly at the attorney’s office. We started with a look at their existing legal documents which were some fifteen years old and hopelessly out of date. 

They revised their wills, and then we eased into a broader discussion about advance directives, powers of attorney and other issues related to late-life planning. In the process, our parents could see that my brother and I, with help from the attorney, were looking out for their best interests and trusted that we shared the same goals regarding their care for the rest of their lives.

New Attitude of Trust

One day in the middle of one of our consultations, out of the blue, our father surprised all of us by requesting that Dick and I manage their entire financial affairs! I nearly fell off my chair; the lawyer was equally surprised and Dick finally agreed to do so since the request came directly from our father. 
We proceeded to set up the appropriate trusts and supporting legal documents that gave us the authority to act in our parents behalf. We managed their assets for the next ten years or so, which preserved their wealth so they would have the resources for the best available care for the rest of their lives. 

Looking back, we were extraordinarily lucky that our parents allowed to us get involved with their affairs when they did, and were willing to discuss these highly charged and very private matters with us. In the end, we found this process brought great gifts for the whole family. Our parents were vastly relieved that Dick and I stepped in when we did, and working together on behalf of our parents brought Dick and me closer than we had ever been before.

PEARL OF WISDOM

Talking about money is difficult and emotionally fraught for many families. It takes time, creativity, respect, trust and good intentions. Start the financial conversation sooner rather than later and go slowly! 

© 2014, Joan Blumenfeld

Joan Blumenfeld, MS, LPC is a Geriatric Care Manager based in Fairfield County, Connecticut. This blog is intended for general interest only, not as advice for specific cases. Visit www.joanblumenfeld.com. Contact her at joan@joanblumenfeld.com or make an appointment by calling 203.845.0191.