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Politics & Government

Frank & Chester Announce Presidential Bid

Winslow Park favorite pooches toss their leashes into the ring

 

Today on the great lawn of Winslow Park, Frank announced his candidacy for President of the United States. By his side was Chester, chosen to be his running mate. 

Frank-- a Pitbull Terrier mix, has been touted as the "every dog" for his broad appeal to both working and middle class voters. Chester-- a purebred English Springer Spaniel, is certain to win over the investor class. Both hail from the great state of Connecticut. 

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But even as throngs of enthusiastic dogmatists eagerly voiced their support for the first two Canine Americans to run for the nation's highest office, one lingering question remained: Is America ready to elect two bachelors to lead the country? 

Said Stinky, a Feline American from Westport: "Can we really trust unmarried dogs to embrace the family values of a Judeo-Christian America? I think perhaps not." Although unmarried herself, Stinky’s sentiments represent a conservative wing of the electorate that has dogged liberal nominees during previous election cycles. 

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Stinky also had questions about their super pac Knick Knack Paddy Whack Patriots and it’s alleged ties to dogpiles.

But if the candidates were concerned about those aspects of their race to the White House they did not show it. From beneath a red, white & blue banner with the slogan: "Soft On Crime" and their official campaign song: "Who Let The Dogs Out?" blaring from a stolen boom-box, Frank and Chester rolled in the mud and allowed constituents of all political stripes to rub their bellies until they were called home for supper. 

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